thee bikinni wax of all bikinni wax
(this is when all men close the tab)
i've been back to the same place 2other times. the ladies all laughed until they counldnt breathe when they saw me walk into the salon.
"thought you had enough fun the last time, ariana?"
"thought you said you were never coming back, ariana?"
"you wanna do this again, even though last time you cried & promised that i would never lay my hands on you again, ariana?"
yeah well.. you do what you gotta do in hopes of becoming brasilian.
i went a good 3months without a wax and when i told my new mom, she insisted that they next time my little sister went to wax her legs, i was going too. "this lady works magic!" she exclaimed to me.
we went last saturday afternoon, just me and my sister, and i am full on panicking. Glancing around at the door, peeping in on other clients, watching the clock tick away the seconds until it was mine turn.
i confess to my sister that i am ridiculously nervous, palm sweating, nail biting, foot tapping, nervous. she doesnt understand why, she does this all time and it obviously doesnt hurt THAT much if i am willingly coming back.
the women calls her name and she happily goes into the room. the women, with the name tag of Adriana, doesnt even shut the door! she doesnt even introduce herself, she just starts waxing away!
this does NOT look very promising.
my sister comes out a few minutes later and leads me in. I give her a half smile and walk in, like i am on trail for murder.
i walk in, drop my pants and just start laughing. can this situation be away weirder?
i start to get onto the "doctor's table" and she looks at me strangely. "aren't you going to taking off your underpants, too?"
this is when i have to draw the line and say, listen lady. we americans arent like this. as much as i would love to claim to be brasilian, i will always have a part of conservative american blood in me.
i lay down on the table and she hikes up my underpants. i cannot stop my uncontrolable gigggles. she tries to tell me that this is totally okay. she has down this for years and i shouldnt be embarrassed.
yeah well i havent been doing this for years. i am this stupid foregin girl that just likes the results and would like this to be over as quickly as possible.
i suggest that we have a good ol' conversation to take my mind off the pain. she layers on the first wax and i ask her what is her name, although i already know the answer.
i cant hear the answer through my screams. yes it is that painfull.
now she is the one laughing at me. the people in the waiting room are probably thinking someone is having a root canal by the way i am yelping. i was waiting for her to peek her head through the door and ask someone for backup.
i ask if she has away kids. she does, a boy my age that would just love me. ..this is not the time or place when you set your son up on a blind date. she tells me that i have the cutest little accent, obviously foreign, but nevertheless, adorable.
she continues to wax and the tears continue to roll down my cheeks. after each wax, i would hold my breathe, holding back my screams, and she would come up to my face and say, "doí, né?" ..hurts, doesnt it? no, i am secretly a comedian that is just wanting to get a good laugh for you.
after all the waxing is complete, she comes back with my enemy: tweezers. i refuse her, i would prefer the wax, god forbid.
she then instructs me to flip over and now its time for my buttt.
excuse me, i think i misunderstood you. did you just say my butt?
yeah yeah, please flip overr.
lady, Adriana, MEU BEM, you are not, will not, can not, do that.
of course i can and i will now lets go.
she literally pushes me on my side and waxxes away.
i will not discuss this part.
she tells me that its over, i can put my pants on. FINALMENTE! it literally took 20 mintues of struggle and sweat. i jump off the table, which the paper sticking to my butt, buckets of water were escaping my pores, better than screams right?
i wanted to hug Adriana, i wanted to invite her over for dinnner, heck i wanted to bring her home with me to The States and meet my whole family cause she did THE BEST JOB POSSIBLE!
i walk over to meet my sister. she is laughing, who wouldnt be. she just heard the whole thing.
"did it hurt?"
ooh, minha irmã, you have no idea.
bikinni waxes, what an odd relationship i have with you..
